Trails, Tuesdays, and Heartbreak

It’s a tough time of year. In the last week, two friends have lost people in their lives to suicide. Between the forced merriment of various holidays, the quickly darkening and dreary days (seriously, I’m more concerned about the countdown to the winter solstice than Christmas at this point), and the seemingly endless supply of horror in the news lately, it’s hard. So let’s start there. It. Is. Hard. But it’s not hopeless. One thing I started thinking about was how rarely we hear how appreciated we are–both from those close to us and those we barely know. The outpouring of love, support, and kind words for these two individuals is overwhelming. But I also remember hearing a story about someone who wanted a funeral for themselves while they were still alive, because then they could hear it. It is of little use to us when we’ve passed this mortal coil. Granted, it helps those left behind, but maybe it could help all of us.

I recently saw a comic, which I can’t place right now. Maybe The Oatmeal? Or Yeti? Anyhow, it was a boy and his dad discussing superpowers, specifically how the boy wondered if anyone really had superpowers. The dad said, “Yeah. See that guy over there with the ugly hat?” (Said guy is a sad sack-looking fellow). And then the dad turns to him and says, “Your hat is awesome. You are doing a great job wearing it.” The sad man straightens up and smiles, and the dad turns towards the son and says, “See, you have the power to change someone’s day.” I’m sorry if I’m butchering it, and if anyone can help me place the comic, that would be better. But, it ultimately got me thinking about how changing someone else’s day can also change ours. In our modern age, we are so disconnected from the humanity of others and ourselves. Ironically, the more plugged in we are and the more crowded we live, it seems we pull back into ourselves even further. I don’t have to reach far for pieces from the news that illustrate this.

My friend recently sent me a link to another blog that gets at this idea of connecting, of trying to feel hope in a world that seems awful. The post is titled “Fifteen Things for When the World Is Shitty and Terrifying.” I loved it because some of the things were about being gentle with yourself, and others were about reaching out to help others and express gratitude.

Through my job, I help provide gifts to a child–both their “wants” and “needs” lists. However, I selfishly don’t feel all that excited about it, because I don’t feel connected to the giving. I don’t have firsthand experience with the organization that we work with. I haven’t been there to deliver or distribute the gifts. I didn’t seek out this way of giving (it’s just something my workplace has been doing for a long time). In this manner, I don’t feel personally connected. In contrast to this experience, though, is the homeless person that approached our car the other day (coming back from a trail run. I swear I’ll get to the running part of this blog, ha). I have never given roadside solicitors money, mostly because I don’t know what they’ll “do” with it (I have friends in recovery who were homeless because of substance abuse, and I don’t feel comfortable helping prop that situation up). HOWEVER, I also don’t regularly find ways to help the homeless either. So, in some ways, I continue to ignore a large problem and am potentially dehumanizing them and their situation. At the end of the day, I’m assuming they’ll use the money for dubious things and I’m not helping them better their lot in even a small way.

I’ve been thinking about this alot. One thing I saw last winter was a local mom and her daughter creating homeless hygiene kits and distributing them to people. While I find the idea of roving the countryside looking for potentially homeless-looking people to give your kits uncomfortable, I have long thought about creating kits to give to roadside solicitors when they approach my car. In that manner, I’m acknowledging them (versus furiously looking at my phone) and I’m doing something to possibly help them. These kits are ziploc bags that contain some food and water, gloves or hats, socks (a much-needed yet oft-neglected item with this population), soap, hand sanitizer, travel shampoo, toothpaste and toothbrush, deodorant, lotion, baby wipes, feminine products, and transit cards. I’m stopping by Target later to pick up some things for the house, and plan on picking up a few of these items as well.

As promised, there is actual running on this blog. Last week was pretty good, and Saturday I got to do a REAL trail run. Single-track, muddy, through the woods, skipping roots and rocks. And I didn’t fall. MAGIC. It was hard. I swear I thought I was going faster than the 10:30’ish pace my watch told me at the end. We did the Bullfrog Lake loop down in Palos. About 9 miles total.

It was super foggy that morning as the weather was changing a bit. Bianca and I got there early and ran a mile before hooking up with the group (we were doing the run with the Flatland Ultrarunners). It was a good-sized group that included folks who did 50 milers and 100 milers. Crazy! I was glad to run with other people as the single-track loop breaks up a few times to other loops and I would have gotten lost or spent alot of time on my phone debating which fork to take. Especially since everything looked the same out there. Brown and grey. Bare. There were a couple times that made me nervous barreling down a hill, but it was awesome overall. I don’t think I can make the time commitment to do it every week (it’s a 30 minute car ride each way), but I definitely want to regularly work in the trail runs into the mix.
One thing I realized is that everyone was wearing trail shoes. One woman, who runs 100 miler’s, said she used microspikes in the winter, which is exactly what they sound like. Similar to Yak Trax, they strap under your regular running shoes but they have spikes instead of the coiled wires of the Trax. She said she has no problem running on straight ice with them because they grip really well, and they don’t change your stride. I know what I’m asking for Christmas 🙂

While it wasn’t muddy enough for my shoes to feel super-challenged (I was wearing my regular Kinvaras), it was muddy enough to make things a big mess afterwards! I swear I had mud in my socks too. I’m beginning to see why people wear gaiters when they run now. Bianca, the seasoned trail runner, had another pair of shoes in the car to drive home in. I just scraped as much of it off as possible before getting in the car. 

I’m hoping to get in another trail run later today by my work. We’ll see if time allows. It’s end of semester, which means there’s a ton of grading. Sigh.

Anyhow, lovely people. I hope you are kinder to yourselves and to others. Tell someone something nice today and what you appreciate about them. Even if it’s a stranger. Perhaps it’s even better if it’s a stranger (if you’re a man, though, God help you if you try to tell a woman to smile!).

“Choose Kind” for your Maudlin’ Mondays

Let’s face it. No one likes Mondays. Unless it’s a holiday. And then, only if you get it off (as Mr. UnRunner points out, most of the working world doesn’t get random school holidays off. I think he’s just bitter…)

It was a surprisingly warm and windy day, and I was itching to get out but it didn’t happen. Between work and some other things (read, my poor time management skills), I couldn’t squeeze it in. I am transitioning between quarters, which means I’m grading like crazy. However, I also decided to do a couple of things that took some time. I’m getting ahead of myself a bit.

I recently joined a Facebook group for local-ish ultra runners. Yes, I am considering dabbling in the world of ultra running. I’ve been curious about it for the last two years (right after I met my first live ultra runner, what up Bianca!), but with my BQ goals there was never a good time in the training to fit it in. There is time now…Before training for Boston commences.

There’s a local ultra, the Paleozoic 50k in mid-November, that I’ve looked at a couple of times (they have a spring version too). A 50k seems the perfect toe dip into the world of ultra running. And I didn’t race Chicago so my body isn’t that battered. And I know a couple folks doing it. I can hear the exclamations of horror, disgust, and general f*ckery around my desire to do an ultra after a bruisingly long cycle of training for the BQ. BUT, one of the things that’s been super-alluring to me about the world of ultra running is that it seems so much more mellow. It really is about doing the course and finishing. It doesn’t have that pace-madness marathoners can get wrapped up in. Ahem, me included (and if I’m totally off in this interpretation, feel free to chime in). The idea of just doing a long run with a friend (my friend Amy and I would run together) in nature, on a trail, sounds amazing. Having some support along that run and not having to pack everything yourself sounds even better. I’ve really enjoyed my small, intermittent trail runs the last year.

HOWEVER…there’s an issue. Mr. UnRunner is out of town that weekend for some training. And there are those two small pesky humans that leave messes, eat all the good food, and won’t leave. And we don’t have family nearby. So either I would have to ask my in-laws to come down and watch the cherubs, or I would have to pay for a sitter for pretty much the entire day. A full day of childcare so that I can run 30+ miles in the woods. For fun. Can we say first-world problems?

BUT, it also happens to be my birthday weekend. And that brings up the whole thing of whether I want this to be my birthday thing. Which seems insane. So I continue to mull…

That was actually a major digression. The reason I brought up the ultra group was that I saw people posting about Alfred Perro Pedro, a local ultra-runner who has ALS. I had seen something about him recently by my friend Bill on Facebook so I did a quick Google. I was moved by what I found. There has been a groundswell of support from the running community to help raise funds to defray his medical bills. People have started crowdfunding pages and helped coordinate race-related fundraising. It made me realize how amazing the running community is. And how important that community is to me. And because I’m an English major always, it invoked this poem for me. I love me some John Donne.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend’s
Or of thine own were:
Any man’s death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.

This made me get off my butt and do something. One thing I wrote about my Last Chance Marathon experience was how overwhelmed I felt about the support and encouragement I received from my BFF crew. I couldn’t believe how many people wanted me to reach my goal and truly were happy for me when I did. And it made me realize that I don’t do enough to help others and give back to the community which I love so much. I can’t always be on the receiving end. So today, I decided to do a few things to get out of my own wants and desires and help someone else.

Last year when Lauren first got diagnosed with cancer, we (BFF) all did a big call for bone marrow registration and whole blood donation. I registered to be a bone marrow donor at a registration drive on campus, and I went to donate blood. I hadn’t done another blood donation since last fall, though, and I recently got an email detailing a need for my specific blood type. So today I went to give blood. I even took an iron pill earlier to make sure everything was solid (In college I got turned away from selling/donating my blood plasma because I was low in iron. I was also vegetarian though.). Having access to Oreo’s after donation doesn’t make the process so bad 🙂 I did remember, though, that I had felt nauseous later in the day after donation and it happened this time too.

One thing that I thought was funny was when the tech took my blood pressure and found it low–90 over 68–she asked if I was a runner. Admittedly, I was also wearing a Mother Runner sweatshirt i had just gotten from the Chicago Marathon expo. I do have low blood pressure, though, as new doctors always query me about it. I think it’s somewhat genetic, as my sister has similar stats. In fact, because we are weirdos, we tried to have a “low blood pressure” contest with my mom’s blood pressure monitor at home. Yeah…that’s what being Asian does to you. Everything is a competition. Haha.  I also made a giant vat of potato leek soup and realized that there was no way one adult and two small children were going to be able to eat all that (nor were my kids likely to eat much of it at all). Then I remembered a friend had broken her foot recently and a mutual friend of ours was helping to coordinate meals for her. I realized that I could drop off some soup for her, but then I also decided soup was not enough, so I also made a big baked penne. One for me and one for her 🙂

And finally, my tomato plants are still producing and I am sick of raw tomatoes. I have a friend who loves them, though, so I harvested a bunch and dropped them off at her house (she had workers over so couldn’t leave) after I gave blood.

Coincidentally, Jen also did something caring. She drove 2.5 hours to take her good friend to chemo. Jen’s friend was diagnosed this spring with breast cancer.

Finally, a friend (Sharon) ran the Des Moines Marathon and posted about how she stopped to help a woman who was having serious cramping issues and was not near a volunteer or aid station. She stopped, disregarding her time, to help her rehydrate (with Sharon’s fluids) and to help get her to an aid station for further assistance.

All of this reminds me that we are in community with one another. That truly none of us is alone. And that it’s good to not only humbly accept whatever help and support is offered, but it’s also good to make sure you’re giving back to your community as well.

There’s a great YA book called Wonder by RJ Palacio. I don’t want to get too much into the book, but in interviews, the author has described the book as a “meditation on kindness.” And it is that. Here are two quotes in particular.

Kinder than is necessary. Because it’s not enough to be kind. One should be kinder than needed.

When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.”

The book has spawned a huge antibullying campaign around the phrase “Choose kind.” While my 3 acts aren’t tied to bullying, they are about showing the world more kindness (in some very small ways). About making the world a little nicer and kinder than how you found it. And while I’m not saying my acts are life-changing or even all that demanding of me, I am making a choice to help someone or make their day a little better rather than making it worse. Because when given the choice, wny not choose kindness instead of malice or indifference?