Spending time on self care

Women can be bad at self care (yes, I know it’s an overgeneralization). Moms are even worse. Running moms the worst. One way I know this is even the targeted health advertisements I see for women to get mammograms or other screenings, and the advertisement is spun as a “You take care of everyone else, but you also need to take care of yourself in order to do that.” As a mom, you put your own needs and sometimes health behind others (ask any mom what happens when they are “sick”). As runners, we’re even more prone to ignore aches and pains until it’s too late. I get the extra awesomeness of being Korean and having grown up with self-employed parents–read: having minimal insurance/access to doctors–so I don’t go to the doctor when I’m sick or for much in general. Just to give you an idea, my dad slipped/fractured a disk in his neck and ended up having major surgery, wearing a halo brace, and being out of work for a year. And he didn’t go to the hospital, in fact SLEPT on the injury, until the next day.

So yeah, learning to ignore pain and what my body wants or needs runs pretty deep. Recently, Craig (my myofascial guy) gave me a long lecture about how I really needed to work on self care to keep myself injury-free. I couldn’t just ignore stretching, etc. And he may have muttered a thing or two about aging…

And the fact of the matter is that I’m not 25 and gutting out my first marathon through excruciating pain and thinking it’ll all go back the way it’s supposed to in the morning…or in 3-4 months since I refused to run for awhile after that first marathon.

Whereas before, I used to not understand what people meant by this “warming up” before running they would do, and I had no idea what a foam roller was until my second marathon. Oh, and I started training for my first marathon in cotton. A lot has changed. I still don’t warm up, but I do sometimes stick my legs (meaning I use “the stick” or “tiger tail” to massage my legs a bit) and do some dynamic pre-emptive stretching before a run. I wear compression religiously to ward off “something” much like garlic for vampires. I spend more intimate time with my foam roller than I do with my husband. And I’ve always been good at stretching afterwards, but it was only for at most 5 minutes. Craig was talking about spending some serious time getting into the tightness, maybe backing off the mileage, and doing more yoga and other activities.

The brat in me wants to stomp my foot and go, “REALLY?! You want me to do MORE STUFF to be able to keep doing the stuff I’ve always been doing?” Um, yes. As much as I hate to admit it, my body has changed. And my threshold for discomfort has lowered. Don’t get me wrong, I can take pain like no one’s business (hello, two natural child births), but I’ve begun to realize more and more that I don’t HAVE to. And maybe I SHOULDN’T (yes, this post is all about caps). Maybe that’s wisdom. Or just being an adult.  

14 miles in 2 degrees. i can take pain.

I see this in other areas of my life. The other night, I crashed hard at 7:30. After a brutally cold 14 miles starting at 6:15 am, my body was done for the day early. I demanded a lot from it, and it wanted a lot in return. I actually debated forcing myself to stay up. Watch bad shows. Read. Putz on the interwebs. As if some “cool patrol” was watching me and assessing my dork factor for going to bed on a Saturday night so early. But no one was watching. I was the only one who had to face the consequences of my actions. So I went to bed. I slept a solid 11 hours.

I have begun to realize more and more that if I don’t take care of myself, I will be one miserable runner, mom, wife, and educator. And I will make the lives of those around me miserable. And that doesn’t have to happen.

So I go to bed early. I call people when I’m struggling with my depression. I go to yoga. And… I drop down running plans. Boom.

Yup, I decided to move from the 5 day/week running plan to the 4 day/week. My body isn’t happy with what I’m doing or have been doing. Something needs to change. And for some insane reason, it freaks me out to admit it to myself and change the plan, and admit it to others. Even though no one is judging me for it, and most of my running friends would encourage me to be healthy and do what my body needs. But there’s a sick little devil on my shoulder that tells me that I’m not a REAL runner if I’m not cranking out 50+ miles a week. If I’m not running 5-6 days a week. If I’m not running a sub 8:00/mile on the daily. If I don’t make the top X percent. So you push and “dig deep” until your well is empty and you are spiritually or physically broken.

No thanks.

I’ve been there and done that. And I don’t need to go back.

But that’s taken me a long long time to learn. And it’s definitely progress, not perfection. It’s the long view. Boston was once a bucket list for me. And now that it’s on the horizon, I want to make sure that I can actually run it. I don’t know if I’ll run it more than once, so I want to make sure all my crazy work the last two years actually means something. I take it back, it DOES mean something whether I get to run Boston or not (as of right now, btw, there’s nothing to stop me but myself). That I can work hard, attain my goals, and bust my guts doing it. And regardless of what happens at Boston, I’ll know I did good and I’ll be with friends. *cue soaring, inspirational music* But that only happens if I’m healthy and strong enough to get to the starting line. And that only happens if I listen to my body and take care of myself.

Even the elite runners do this. Deanna Kastor pulled out of the Olympic Trials pretty last minute, and Kara Goucher said she “left it all out there,” but it wasn’t enough to make the Olympic Team (although since she was 4th, she’ll be the official alternate). Even Desi Linden, who pulled an amazing second half of the marathon, said she had to trust her plan and not punch it in the first half to keep up with Amy Cragg and Shalane Flanagan (and that plan is what got her to pass Shalane just within the last mile or so and nab second). Amazing. So even the elites have to listen to what their bodies and spirits need.

Sorry if this post was all over the place, but I’ve been thinking a lot about trying to figure out what I need and how to keep myself healthy on lots of fronts. I didn’t have a great foundation for those things growing up, so it’s new terrain. Anyhow, hope you all had a great run this weekend, whatever your plan was.

 

Are you still a runner if you miss some runs…

Amy sent me this last week, and it’s about spot on.

After my last post, a friend of mine reached out to say that the post really resonated with her own personal experiences. She was a serious runner and good at pushing through, then she went through a series of injuries, one after the other. That, ultimately, is what drove her into personal training. Trying to figure out what was wrong and causing her body to fall apart when she’d not had issues before. THAT scared me. She doesn’t really run long distances (aka marathons) anymore, because her body can’t take it. She wrote to convince me to make sure I was really addressing my issues and not pushing through. So despite vacillating a million times about running the race Saturday or not running the race, I stuck with the decision to not run the race. Or run at all. Another long run missed. ARGH.

Buuuuuuut, I also decided to still go to the gym and do almost 2 hours of cardio. It was ugly, but I got to catch up on a new (to me) podcast (Ten Junk Miles) by some folks in the ultrarunning Facebook group I’m in. I found them both annoying and humorous. Scott Kummer, one of the podcasters and big ultrarunner, is doing the Arrowhead 135. In case you want to get a taste of what insanity looks like, here it is:

https://vimeo.com/ondemand/arrowhead135

A couple of my friends and I are planning to do a mini-movie viewing party soon. Cuz nothing makes more sense from the perspective of an injured runner than watching movies about running…

Oooh, and then there’s this new film coming out about Jesse Owens!

Anyhow, in case you didn’t know, heading to the gym in the dark on a Saturday morning is not the same thing as meeting your friends for a long run.

45 minutes of cycling and my sitz bones were annoyed with me. More various elliptical machines and some stair climbing. Boo. I wore my compression like a big dork to get some more support around my legs. Not sure if it mattered.

I also made noise about going to the pool last post, so I did that this weekend. I forced my friend Stephanie to meet me at the pool and swim for 30 minutes. I use the term swim loosely, and the 30 minutes felt grindingly slow and painful. I forced myself to go the full 30. I also stopped every lap to gasp for breath. EVERY. SINGLE. LAP. Stephanie even said to me, “I mean, I’ve SEEN you run marathons and you’re struggling. This is hard!” What is it about the breathing in a pool that’s so hard for me? I just can’t figure it out. I know how to breathe, even alternating sides, but I always feel like I’m going to simultaneously pee my pants and suffocate at the same time. Anyone?

I also had a flashback to my one attempt at triathlon training and realized that’s where my form obsessions began. Because swimming is so unnatural to me, I was fixated on form. I didn’t know what to do with my arms or my hands or my legs in minutiae, so I asked my instructor lots of questions, read stuff online (this was before videos were so prevalent and pre-YouTube), and fixated on how to make myself better (i.e., feel less like I’m dying). I think I got a little bit better, but I’m starting over at square one…

I feel like this picture shows how delirious and oxygen-deprived the swim made me. It also didn’t help that I was using my 6 y.o.’s swim goggles and didn’t have a swim cap. And my swimsuit was 12 years old, but whatevs, right? I like to keep it real on this blog. That is what I look like after a horrible swim. The swim did make me more aware of my left (the non plantar-irritate one) ankle’s tightness, though. Grr.

Finally, I’m working on rounding out my various workout possibilities. A post from a reader/commenter (Danielle of Naturally Sweet Athlete) brought me to her blog post about different ways to stay active during winter months. Coincidentally, she’s also injured. She posted about a few free apps with workouts, so check it out. I’m a sucker for anything tech-y that might motivate me to do something other than run. Or “crosstrain” as people keep calling it.

Anyhow, I have some updates on the whole ankle/running/thing, but I’ll save that for next post.

Where My Body Falls Apart and I Grow Up

I woke up yesterday with a swollen LEFT ankle and stiffness–almost like it was a few days into recovering from a sprain. This is NOT the ankle/foot/leg I’ve been having issues with. What gives?! After running 8 marathons under 2 years with no injury? This reminds me of a theory that Mr. UnRunner (he’s back to not running, ha) has about massage. He refuses to get one because he believes that the tension is what keeps him together. Knock out one knot or muscle contraction and the whole thing tumbles like a Jenga puzzle. Perhaps all this enforced time off has forced my body to realize it’s time to collapse…

Let me back up, though. I saw Magical Craig twice this week. And he highly suggested I NOT race this weekend the F3 Half Marathon I’d signed up for months ago. He knows I’m prone to not listening to him when it comes to things like backing off on running, but I’m going to be a grown up and DO THE RIGHT THING. Which means, NOT run it–just in case you weren’t sure. Here’s why. Craig suggested I skip the cardio stuff this week, or the cardio stuff that would have impact. I tried a barre class on Wednesday thinking it was going to be low-impact. Wrong. It was an odd cardio version and there was a lot of jumping. My foot started bothering me during the class (more on the class in a bit). If just jumping jacks and dynamic lunges were bothering it, hauling out a half marathon would not be great. Craig did say I could finally try running on it Saturday to test it out, but I had to stop if it hurt. An out and back loop in a race doesn’t really fit well for that. I think I’d rather have a DNS (did not start) than a DNF (did not finish)…at least if it’s for an injury. I also know that I probably won’t accept the idea of not finishing and further set myself back. If I really want all this time off to count for something, I need to make sure I’m not continuing to draw out the injury. Growing up sucks. I’ve already scaled back for two weeks, I can’t take it much longer.

So, what does “recovery” look like when you can’t do cardio with impact or that involves alot of ankle (he also banned the ellipticals this week)? Well, you can swim (barf, but also more on that in a bit) maybe, or I forced Craig to let me at least cycle. Seriously, what else is there?? Here’s what the week looked like.

Monday: Botched 2. 5 miles

Tuesday: Yoga

Wednesday: Cardio barre class

Thursday: 50 minutes of cycling

Friday: Nothing right now…maybe some yoga or strength training.

It hurts me to look at that. I swear I’ve gained weight in the last two weeks. Depressing. I know it’s better to work all this out now, then, rather than potentially not running or finishing Boston. Still.

Here’s the scoop on some things I’ve been trying in the meanwhile.

1) I really like yoga, and doing a partial supported headstand against the wall is safer. I go to the studio when I can, but I also like to do some different yoga apps and YouTube videos.

2) After my second attempt at barre, I’m pretty sure I don’t like it. This class reminded me of a mom’s 80’s aerobics class. Except my mom didn’t do aerobics. So maybe YOUR mom’s aerobics class. I totally spaced and thought the class was almost over when I saw it was 9:55. When it was 10:04 and didn’t seem to be ending, I realized that we were only halfway through (the class started at 9:30). I almost wept in disappointment. You see, the reason I run is because I AM NOT COORDINATED. Following a variety of dynamic movements with garbled-sounding microphone directions, especially when I’m afraid of jumping on my right foot, was a nightmare. I still have one class left on my 3-class Groupon, though…so I’ll be back to torture myself (I’m also cheap about getting my money’s worth).

3) I really hate cycling inside. It feels indeterminately long. Give me a bike ride outside any day. Oh wait, I left the garage door open months ago and someone stole my bike. Sigh.

4) I need to learn how to cross train differently. i.e., swimming. Swimming is like the arch-nemesis of my athletic-ness. Well, after aerobics. So maybe it’s just a nemesis… Anyhow, I had a scary drowning-ish moment in a pool when I was a kid (think of getting fished out by the lifeguard but no resuscitation but lots of spitting out of water and maybe some vomit) so I tend to get panicky if I feel like I am getting too much water in my nose, or I don’t have control. To try and get over that years ago, I took private swim lessons and signed up for a super-sprint triathlon. I knew how to swim, but I wanted to learn how to feel comfortable in the water and work on my stroke, etc. The swimming portion of the triathlon got canceled because of too much bacteria in the water (I know, gross) so I never got to have my moment of triumph. And I’m still uncomfortable in deep water. So I’m considering signing up for a triathlon again to force myself to cross-train in the pool more. “Just” swimming for exercise sounds awful. I need something to hold me accountable and motivate me. Oh, and I’ll still need to buy a bike. And because I am friends with crazy people, someone’s already trying to egg me on to do a half iron distance triathlon in the fall. CRAZY.

It’s Friday. I’ll try and do a run tomorrow. And take stock from there. It’s hard recognizing that you have limits, and you need to take time to recover. I know I write about that alot, but it’s still hard to swallow. I need to listen to my body and take the time to do things right. Good luck to anyone racing this weekend and high fives to all those doing rehab/recovery work–in any sense.

 

P/rehab

So…Saturday’s long run was rough. I started having pain in my heel and my right calf felt like it was going to snap because it was so tight. Not good. I limped around the rest of the day because both my calves were so sore and tight after. Argh. I have not had to deal with a running injury (sans various sprained ankles) in a long while. I guess that streak can only go so long though.

I made the big girl decision of taking most of this week off from running and trying a short run on Friday to see if I can get up to speed for the long run Saturday. If Friday’s run doesn’t go well, I’ll forego the long run this week. Better to take the time now to deal with this before training really takes off. I hate it.

This means I have done some of the first cardio cross training and gym workouts in a long long time. I will do a workout video or various exercises at home, but I have really gotten away from the gym. Well, my friends, the gym has changed! There are sorts of newfangled cardio machines out there! I felt like a newbie. However, it was also cool to see how much has changed.

WhenI don’t run, I usually do the elliptical as a good substitute. Mostly because I can read on there. However, the elliptical type machines have changed. Now you can do all sorts of different movements in the middle of moving instead of just the same plane and level. There’s one that I’ve done that lets you change your stride and form while stepping up and down. In the past I’ve hated it because it feels like my legs are all over the place and I can’t get any kind of rhyme or reason to my movement. This time I was brave and did a better job. I even did a long stride that made me feel like a Kenyan with their super gazelle moves.

I hate the stair master. However, the new ones (that are actually revolving stairs) were more tolerable. I also felt better that I was working my weak glutes.

But this…this was the piece de resistance. This is a crazy elliptical type machine that works your lateral muscles. Hello hips and glutes! You can adjust your lateral width to work different muscles. You can also change the way you’re standing to switch up muscle groups and sides as well. Woah. It was hard. Like I decided to not overkill and only used it for 20 minutes hard. I will definitely be coming back to do this. 

For your dizzying pleasure I have included a horrible video to try and show you how it looks.

While I can’t say that I’m loving all this stuff in place of running, I can’t help but feel some satisfaction that this forced rest is taking place during a week of single digit temps. I am definitely not missing the “realfeel” -11 degrees today. 
I also saw Bill this weekend at Roadrunner and bought some new, cushier shoes–the Saucony Triumph. I tried on the Hoka Clifton but didn’t like them all that much. I also ended up really liking a pair of Nike Free (RN Distance) but they were really more for speedy days. While Jen did buy two pairs of shoes, I stuck with just one since I have a pair of Kinvaras I still need to rotate in.

Anyway, off to yoga and trying to p/rehab (I’m pretending it’s prehab and not rehab for my foot/leg). Feel free to check in with other ideas.

Ankling anyone? And a long run with some awesome women

Happy Monday folks. Hope you had some good racing and long runs this past weekend. I know racing season is up and going since I knew a bunch of women from my running group who raced this weekend–a half marathon (April, Corey, and Emily–who PR’ed by 16 minutes!), full marathon (Kazue, her first!), and half Ironman (Deanna). I chatted briefly with Kazue, so I know she was disappointed in her time, but I thought it was a fantastic time! Especially since it was warmish, super humid, and a bit misty/rainy on and off that morning.

I actually went on a run that morning at a local trail, Waterfall Glen, that’s a pretty hilly not-quite-10-mile loop. I woke up extra early without my alarm clock because I was so excited about the run for a couple reasons: 1) I hadn’t had a chance to run Waterfall Glen since late last summer and 2) I hadn’t run with both these girls in probably close to a year. All winter/spring of 2014, I had run with Kirstin, Corinna, and Jenny in preparation for our marathon in Manitowoc, WI. We jokingly called it the early train because we created these convoluted routes where we ran to each others’ houses and got “on” and “off” the train depending on our running needs. Kirstin got injured shortly after last year’s Ragnar (she ran the crazy 6-person ultra team), and Corinna wasn’t interested in doing another marathon last year so it’s been awhile since we’ve all been together. Kirstin finally was able to start running again just a few months ago after struggling with lingering inflammation and pain for months and months.

It was magical! Ok, maybe not quite that, but it was awesome running with these two women again. We commiserated on Jenny’s injury and lamented our not-quite-complete group, but we were excited to be back on the way to being reunited. It was also awesome running Waterfall Glen. Everything was so green, and although it was humid, the light on-and-off misting of rain felt good. The hills also kicked our butts! Seriously, I don’t know if it was a combo of the yoga from the previous day or just the severe lack of hills in my daily running, but I’m feeling a little sore/tight today! We saw some deer and some lovely birds we don’t often see around the neighborhood. My favorite are these bright yellow ones, finches maybe?

I realized, though, that I had made a very very good choice not signing up for the Schaumburg marathon (that Kazue did). I was tired and the 10 miles felt challenging enough. The idea of running 1.5 more loops of that run was unfathomable (yes, Jen, you were right in telling me to not sign up for another marathon). I’m not sure why my recovery from the Champaign marathon has been so much harder than any of my races from last year. And, of course, being a typical woman/Korean, I’m beating myself up about it, thinking that I didn’t train hard enough, that I did something wrong, etc., etc. When, really, the truth of the matter is that conventional running wisdom says you generally shouldn’t do more than 2 marathons a year, so maybe last year was more of a fluke rather than the norm. Either way, I need to make my peace with it and move on. It’s not “normal” to expect your body to be able to run 2 (or 3 as the case last fall) marathons back to back.

So…I’m going to focus on getting stronger all around. And really making things more about quality and not quantity. With that said, I came across a video the other day about “ankling” drills. They are to help with form and foot speed/power. I had never seen/heard of such a thing, although there are a plethora of articles and videos online about them. They look really goofy–kind of like a tiny, reverse moon walk. But I tried them out (in the privacy of my backyard) and they are HARD! Take a look and let me know what you think. If you need more description, this article has some written description.

Kirstin, Corinna, and I had talked about really trying to work harder on cross training and doing more strength stuff. Kirstin has been biking and rowing like a mad woman to try to keep up her cardio while she’s on her way back to full running recovery. We talked about taking a bike ride (gasp!) out west on the Prairie Path and doing a longer ride for fun. I was also playing soccer with my 5 y,o. (whose at just about the right level of skill for me, ha) and thinking what a great workout it was. I’ve heard that soccer players run miles during the course of a game. I am contemplating putting together a casual soccer game as cross training with some friends. I am such a horror in terms of coordination that I’m not sure I want to play with anyone beyond the age of 5, though. Still, it would be fun if we don’t take ourselves too seriously (a challenge for me ha).

Anyhow, happy Monday folks. Hope you get out and moving today. Seems like summer really might be here–heat and humidity and all.

Recovery is boring

I find recovery really boring, and the aimlessness I feel after deciding not to run another marathon this spring is maddening. I don’t have a plan. And all my favorite run bloggers are talking about how recovery is so important, blah blah blah. I know that on one level, and I definitely FEEL like–my legs are still heavy and I just feel slow. Still, I have been drinking coffee and eating sugar like I’m binge-eating before a ridiculous diet, which makes me wonder if I’m taking the recovery thing a bit far…I mean, I ran a TOTAL of 15.5 miles last week (3, 5, and 7.5). One of the blogs said, “even if you gain a little weight, it’s ok….” I’m not so sure on that one, but the coffee and sugar are keeping me going through this last bit of the semester. Also, thankfully, I don’t own a scale 🙂

One of the things I’ve been thinking about is how to incorporate more cross-training without actually going to the gym. My friends make fun of me about my inability to “crosstrain”–you know, that thing you do in between runs. No, not eating. Nope, not sleeping either. Yeah, that other thing you do, the one where you move around and sweat…oh wait…that didn’t come out right.

ANYHOW, I belong to my local Y, but I’ve never enjoyed doing strength training in a gym. I will gladly do a workout video at home or even lift weights, but I find it even more boring doing that stuff at the gym. I was thrilled to see that there was a free app put out by North Face, called Mountain Athletics. It’s being rolled out in conjunction with their new line of “technical training apparel.” The app is slick, with preloaded videos, instructions, and great graphics. It has 3 6-week programs purportedly geared for “mountain athletes,” which translates into runners, skiers, and climbers (i.e., the 3 tracks). It’s meant to be pre-season conditioning for those 3 sports. Since I don’t ski (awful, awful sport for one with zero coordination) or climb, I’ve only had a chance to experience the run program.

I’m only 3 days in, and one of them was a “recovery day,” so it’s early yet, but it seems quite promising. The first day ended up being about a 25 minute workout using weights (I just used the 2×5 lb weights I owned and not the kettle ball or barbell they suggested) and my own body weight, incorporating jumps, squats, and lunges. I found it a decent challenge. It’s based on a progression so things will get harder (meaning more weight/reps), and I might need to graduate myself to either the gym or better equipment at home to get the full benefit of the workout. Hey, they sell kettleballs even at Marshall’s nowadays. The second day was supposed to be a 2 mile run for time. I took it pretty easily as I am hardly speedy. And then today was recovery.

I haven’t figured out fully how I’m going to map this out in conjunction with my running. For example, today was supposed to be a recovery day, but I did a 7 miler. Even if I don’t follow the program perfectly, it’s great to have another tool in my fitness toolbox. If you want to check it yourself, you can look at their website here or search for “Mountain Athletics” in your app store. Just a heads up, I downloaded it to my iPad mini, but I’m assuming the Apple and Droid apps have similar functionality. Also, this is not sponsored or anything, just my desire to share (though The North Face, if you’re reading, I’m interested, haha).

Because I’m a runnerd, I was excited to get my newest Runner’s World magazine. I was particularly geeked when I saw this:

You may have noticed from pictures that I run with a hat. While that is for some functionality and vanity, like keeping the sun off my face and warding off sun damage, it’s also because I can not wear sunglasses while running because they won’t stay on. And as much as I love having UV damage to my eyes and early crow’s feet wrinkles, I wear a hat to diminish those effects as well. I gaze longingly at the coolness of runners in sunglasses, but alas, my face is flat and I don’t have much of a nose bridge. I am telling you, things in America are not made for my face shape/profile. Just another example of the ongoing oppression of my peoples. Ha.

Anyhow, when I saw that post in the table of contents of the new RW, I leapt for joy. SOMEONE was validating my pain! I was not crazy. Now I just need to find a way to either get them to sponsor me (hm, I see a pattern to this post) or wrangle some other way of getting a pair. I hear Mother’s Day is coming up 🙂  Maybe I should just create a “donate” button for every tidbit of Asian/Korean knowledge you glean from my posts. You didn’t know about the woes of sun/glasses issues we had. I’ve also had issues with snorkeling masks…

Anyhow, let me know if you try the Mountain Athletics app what you think! Or if you have other things I can try (I like my yoga app and Youtube videos). Happy running/recovery!

P.S. I forgot to mention that Jen qualified at Champaign with a 3:39. She’s been contacted by the race director that her time will be certified, so I’m continuing this BQ journey solo into the early fall. Wish her congrats, or a kick in the pants.